Somebody Gag Me !!!

I don't know what my damage is, maybe it's the pressure I keep putting myself under with the school, club, and now the store. Or maybe because I keep trying to do it all alone, whatever the reason, because of it I keep opening my mouth and making things tense between Mystress and myself...or at least that is the impression I get anyway though I know she will tell me differently later. Every once in a while Mystress gives me a curfew, for my own well being so that I do not deprive myself of sleep, last night I has mentioned that it was hard to pull myself away as it seemed I have less and less time to myself to get things done that need to be finished. The email i received in response nearly made me fall out of bed, it was so cold in nature that for a brief moment I honestly believed she was releasing me, I panicked and signed into SL as fast as I could to try to get everything I didn't finish done. It seems every time I open my mouth I sound ungrateful when the opposite is really true, I could not, nor would I ever, wish for a better Mystress, there is nothing I wouldn't do for her, I want to be able to tell her my thoughts and feelings but it seems every time I do things just get worse...I honestly have no clue anymore to be honest, but whatever happens I'm not going to let her get away because of some stupid mistakes on my part.

Thina

Punishment

Well...it was bound to happen, and unfortunately it's happened more then I feel acceptable and yesterday was the latest, with my punishment being carried out tonight...and even that should have been taken care of last night but my inattention caused me to miss Mystress' orders right before she left.

Yesterday I had made what is in my eyes the worst mistake I ever could, and that was no greeting Mystress in a timely manner when she logged on, she waited for eight minutes before she came to me in my design studio and found me working, I had gotten so wrapped up in my projects that I completely missed that she had come on. I offered her no excuse as there was none to be given, and I am not the type to make them. Mystress was feeling lenient and was prepared to let it pass, after reading blog entries of a friend and her own girl she wants to make sure she is fair with me, though I already am well aware that I am extremely fortunate to be hers, and that she has been more fair to me then any I have come across. If not greeting her wasn't bad enough, only a few moments later she noticed that I was wearing my favorite pair of jeans...the fact that they are my favorite wasn't the issue, they are pretty cute, but in her presence I am required to wear skirts, and I was obviously not wearing one. I had been visiting a PG sim to learn more about building in Second Life and when I returned to my studio I had forgotten to change. Mystress had given me a little bit of money and ordered me to buy a skirt that would be allowable in a PG area which I did the second she left for the afternoon, unfortunately I missed her final command to remain nude in my studio for an hour and so did not complete that task.

To say that I was mortified by my actions is an understatement, the first two offences I was aware of, but I was not aware of the third until she told me of it tonight before she left for the evening. I could barely sleep last night because of the guilt that I had. During my own training, even though I was only punished once, i was taught that through a punishment my guilt will melt away, and my mind now makes that connection whenever I do something wrong. I had told Mystress of that one time which is why I believe she gave me a penance of sorts right before she left yesterday, to clear my mind so that I could move on, and like a fool I missed it. As a result Mystress had ordered me to hang from my frame nude for one hour, to make up for what I had done yesterday, as well as to write my thoughts both here and in an email to her.

Having put all of this down before me I feel a great weight lifted from me, it is true that doing this has made my guilt leave me, and I can approach tomorrow with a clear mind. Mystress, thank you for taking the time and patience to see to it that I not only serve you to the best of my abilities, but that my mind is also kept healthy and not broken. I am sorry for the mistakes that I have made, and will work even harder to ensure that they will not happen again...especially my mistake in not greeting you...twice is far too many times for that to happen.

~Hugz and kisses....from my frame~

Thina

My Submission...Pt 3

This seems to have a life all its own but as I said, for those that follow, and those of my friends that read, it is important, at least to me, that it is seen.

The chance meeting that I referred to last time was from the wonderful Alice, who would become the fourth person that I had met that would extend a hand in friendship to me. She had mentioned of a place in sl that, while it was a bit rougher, focusing on forced submission among other things, was home to a dear friend of hers that she wanted me to meet. After I had told her of how I had been treated at that particular club through IM while she was there and even afterwards, though I would not presume to say that I knew what her motives where, but I like to think that she wanted to help me, and in a distant way find a way to keep me safe.

Once the event at that club was over I had told her that I wanted to leave and if it was possible to meet her friend, which lucky me, it was indeed possible. So on that she teleported me to the land of Ombria, and introduced me to her friend Razeldine, who I nearly instantly became friends with. She was kind, gentle, and sympathetic to the troubles that up until that point I had been having. After spending a great deal of time talking to her, she had said that with her Master’s permission, she would like to take me on as a trainee, to teach me what I felt I needed to learn, and to give me her protection from any that would try to harm me again. I admit at first I was weary, I had already been through a lot and didn’t want a repeat performance, but for some reason I trusted her and agreed. Three incredibly long days passed afterwards without a word from her, and I admit my heart sank; I was ready to quit and turn my back on sl thinking that all that inhabited it were just out to manipulate my mind and feelings. It was that third day that I heard from Alice, that my new friend, and possible teacher, was not feeling well the day before which was why I had not heard from her, and that at the time she was on an alt. of course by now you know I am talking about my Mentor, Miss Sio, but at the time, it wasn’t just not feeling well that kept her from helping me but also her own Master, I felt incredibly hurt and it was time for a serious discussion between the two of us. After a long discussion between the two of us, and her explaining things much more clearly to me, I still had reservations at first, but she had been honest, and I felt compelled to at least give her a second chance to help me.

I can tell you now that it was one of the smartest things I had done so far, after that initial chaos, I had come to look at my Mentor as a big sister, she never once allowed any harm to come to me, she gave me her near full attention when I would pester her with odd questions of things I didn’t understand, and through it all became one of my closest friends. After meeting her, my life seemed to turn around, I became much happier, I had learned a great deal about what it means to submit to someone, and I also learned that submission is the greatest gift that I can give to someone, and that it should not be taken lightly.

Mentor, I am eternally grateful to you for everything you have done for me, and continue to do simply by remaining my friend and when necessary still even my teacher when I am unsure of things. I will always be grateful for Alice who wanted us to meet. And just as importantly I will always be grateful to Christine and Brianon, my friends, and my girls ^.-

This is where I draw closed the curtain on the early part of my journey, I have already shared how I met my Mystress, and how fortunate and grateful I am for her. I sincerely hope that if nothing else, you learned a little bit more about me, this started out being about y thoughts on my own submission but it seems in turned into my “second” life story, regardless, thank you for making it to the end of the first chapter with me, and I look forward to sharing the rest of my journey with you all.

~Hugz and kisses~

Thina Mistwood

My Submission...Pt 2

This seemed to go much longer then I planned so I thought I would split it up into two posts, so please read on and here my own story as well as my thoughts about my early journeys.       =^.^=

During my travels I had come across a club that…if it were not for the few restraining devices behind the rez are, you would never have known had anything to do with a BDSM theme (and no I’m not telling you the name of the place, I’m not exactly crazy about the owner anymore). When I went there it was virtually empty save for the owner dancing and she greeted me nicely and talked with me for a little while. She could tell by the way I carried myself that I was a submissive at heart, just by the way I would respond to her, always addressing her properly, but she still treated me kindly and even offered me her hand in friendship. We had talked a few times afterwards and one day decided to invite me into the club’s group and giving me a tag labeling me as a slave to the club, I was incredibly excited about it, I thought that maybe this nice woman would show me and teach me what I wanted to learn. Well, I was wrong before and I was wrong again, afterwards she treated me rather coldly, she never took advantage of me in a “physical” sense but the nice woman that I had met was gone and I decided to stay away for a while again, I did not leave sl though, I simply traveled around some more. Eventually I went to the same club again, only this time I saw two women dancing, and these two women treated me warmly and as a friend, those two were Christine and Brianon, the same two that would eventually become my students much later on as they explored their own submissive sides.

Not long after I had met the girls I stumbled into yet another club (again, no I’m not telling, and you’ll see why shortly). I suppose my own submissiveness was obvious to everyone around me as the owner of that club offered me a position at his club as a slave and promising to teach me what I needed to learn. Well for others the third time is the charm, for me apparently it is just another moment in a string of nightmares. I was locked in a cage immediately, granted for only five minutes, but for no other reason to show what I would expect if I disappointed any visitor. After I was allowed out I was told to sit on the bar and greet the visitors (which by the way, he never told me that my legs were inside of the bar and that I sat on it wrong…the sick fuck probably got some twisted enjoyment out of it) I was allowed to log into a tip jar an earn a little bit of money…a very little bit of money, I made one tip of a hundred lindens…out of that I was allowed to keep ten of it. That night taught me that above all else, most of the men in this world could not be trusted so I had formed a passionate hatred for any one of them that would cross my path. There was a brighter moment of the evening though, that night I had met a dancer there that was polite and though we do not talk much, is still a good friend, but there was another chance meeting that was even more important and had a much greater impact on me….

That’s the end of part two it seems, one more to go…you still with my ^.-

My Submission...Pt 1

Over the past month, ever since I had been collared by Mystress,  I have given a lot of thought about where I was before I even met my Mentor and how I am now, and the changes that have happened within me over the past three months since I had chosen this path, here seems a very good place to share my thoughts on it all.

So…if you will all indulge me, allow me to open up just a little bit and let some of you in on the thoughts that swim within my mind.

When I first came to sl I really didn’t know what I wanted, all I knew was that I would be able to be myself…the wonder of the internet I suppose…but even then I really didn’t know that either. I had spent so long hiding who I was that I suppose that I forgot over time. I had been off and on before Christmas last year, mostly wandering around, buying clothes and whatever else happened to pique my interest, randomly visiting some various BDSM club or other such hang out, still really unsure of what I wanted.

I had already been a Domme to a wonderful woman, and once the fates decided that we were never to be together I turned my back, swearing that I would not return to a position of power unless I had met another woman that could bring me back to it. I also knew I had a submissive side as well, my mind, in all its chaos has to very different personalities and my submissive side had never seen the light of day, so during my first journeys into sl, all I knew was that I had no interest in anything other than being submissive, to live a life that I had only seen from the other side of the glass.

When I first started, like I said, I didn’t know what I wanted, which made me easy prey early on. I had been taken advantage once by someone that claimed to show me what I needed to know, only to take advantage of me and use me for his own pleasures. Now some of you may be thinking, so what, it’s only a game it’s not real you’re not really being hurt or taken advantage of…well…bullshit. True there was no physical damage, but the human mind is a fragile organ, and mine even more by holding on to what few shreds of sanity I had then. After that I walked away from sl for almost two full months, I was afraid to return, I still did not know or understand the world itself and was afraid of being taken advantage of again, but for some bizarre reason (I think I’m a sucker for punishment personally) I decided to try again, and brave the world of sl, determined to learn more about my submissive side, to feel what it means to give yourself to someone.

Upon my return to sl, I avoided any place that resembled a school of any form designed to train subs, once bad experience at them was more than enough so I simply roamed around from club to club, all BDSM in theme, mostly to absorb the atmosphere and see what happened, and with any luck meet new people, hopefully nice ones.

This is where I am going to bring the first part to a close…and will continue on shortly ^^

First Fantastic Month

It’s the 14^th, and it’s two days after the fact, but things have been so busy lately that I haven’t had the chance to write again, so I apologize to all those who follow and read ^^.

On Monday, it was exactly one month since I was offered and accepted my collar from Mystress, and I can safely say that through the ups and downs (mostly, if not nearly all, ups) I have not regretted a single instant of my time as Mystress’ Kyttin. There honestly are no words in any language that can accurately describe how happy I am and have been over the past month. I owe a lot about who I have become to my Mentor, but even more to Mystress for continuing to build me up and help me work past my own insecurities and fears. She is always excited to see whatever it is I’m working on, even if I think it’s mundane or boring, and it’s always a joy when she wants to sit and watch my build something, like last night when she wanted m e to work on a full size model of a new undersea home. She has helped to fill a void in my own life that I didn’t even realize was there just by taking control of me, she gives me massive amounts of freedom to roam and play with my friends and at the end of the day, when I see my collar, I always know that I am safe and secure as hers, that I never need to worry about harm coming to me.

I wish I had a better way to express how I feel and have felt since accepting my collar, but all I can offer to my wonderful Mystress is how grateful I am to be hers, from the bottom of my heart Mystress, thank you.

~Hugz and kisses~

Thina

Latex Party at the Retreat!

WOW!!!

Last night was just too much fun ^^

It started off when Chris told me that our DJ for the night wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t come (which majorly sucked by the way cause she is totally awesome, but I hope she is feeling better). So after I heard that I was really starting to get worried, I mean you can’t have a party without a DJ, but I should have known better that Chris would be able to work things out for the best. It was completely last minute but she managed to line up an awesome live performer, who unfortunately only able to be there for the first half of the party, but it was completely awesome, I nearly fell off my dance pole a couple times from the tunes. Chris was also able to line up another DJ to finish off the night who also knew how to really burn things up (and had a totally sexy voice too ^.-) and managed to get all of this lined up literally minutes before the party started.

After all of that was taken care of and the party really started, there was no way in hell the fun was gonna stop, and the most awesome part of it all is that two of my bestest friends were able to show up which completely surprised me (and was the reason I finally tripped up and fell off the pole once they rezed in). All in all though, even with a small crowd we still managed to have a blast and now I can’t wait for next week’s party…Angels & Demons…god I can’t wait to see all sorts of horny people in the club ^.-

Until next time

~Hugz and kisses~

Thina

My Sis ^.^

Hey everyone, I just wanted to take the time to introduce you to my incredibly awesome sis. She is Helyn Spiritweaver, unfortunately rl doesn’t allow her to be on as much as she would like, but in the time I have known her, she has shown me how wonderful she is. She is kind and strong, and nearly always in control. She is like me and serves Mystress as well as a guardian to the school. She is also an elf…and the hottest one I’ve ever seen I might add, and she is constantly armed…just in case someone bothers me or Mystress for that matter.

I told you all of that, because today there was an unruly visitor to the gardens. One of the types that that believe they can do whatever they want. He instantly tried to lay claim to the training gardens, saying he was the new lord of the grounds and tried, unsuccessfully, to make Helyn submit to him. I was so proud that she was able to hold him off, but even I could sense the growing uneasiness in her voice, she was left with no other recourse but to call for aide from a Master of one of her girls, she was also forced to call on the aide of Sir Robert as well, since her methods were not scaring away our intruder, though as he was prepared to come to Helyn’s aide the rude visitor vanished before it was necessary.

Even though the episode was rough, sis handled it beautifully and to the best of her abilities, and I’m so very proud of her.

Before I bring this to a close I want to personally thank Sir Damien and Sir Robert for being available to help out, we both greatly appreciate it.

Hopefully next time I will have nothing but good things to say, but I’m glad I got to introduce you to my sister ^^

~Hugz and kisses~

Thina

Opening Night

Well I wanted to write last night, but I was so drained after the party and dealing with other matters that I didn’t have the energy, so it may be a day late, but here it is anyway =^.^=

As the title says, last night was the grand re-opening of the club, kicking it off with Neko party (like that’s a surprise, considering I am one ^^). We didn’t have a huge turnout, but despite that we still had an awesome time, we had some awesome tunes from a rockin’ DJ, I had two of my girls (Christine and Rose) dancing up on poles, along with myself of course, we even managed to get Chris’ Master to help us out as well. I admit it was a little sad for me that my own Mentor was not able to attend, but that is the way things go sometimes when RL pokes its head into our fun. Another one of my dear friends was unable to attend, but like I always say RL comes first and I know she would have been there if she was able to ^^.

Believe it or not the greatest thing for me was that Mystress was there, as always, to support me, wich means soooo much to me you can’t even imagine. I know she is not a big fan of the rock and metal tunes we had going on, she did listen to some, but the fact that she would put that aside to support me is fantastic, and it serves as a wonderful reminder of how lucky I am to be in her service. I was even happy when my sis showed up to serve as security, she doesn’t say much (and she was a little late) but she is always wonderfully to have around and she is a great help in protecting my girls if needed.

Well that’s all for today, the party was a blast and next week is our best in latex party so look forward to hearing about that one as well, until next time.

~Hugs and kisses~

Thina