Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Warning: Depression!!!

You know, it's been a very very long time since I've posted anything, and there are various reasons behind it; some good, some bad, and some just born out of laziness. It's December (I know, hard to believe, time flies so fast), and it's nearing two, well actually three different anniversaries for me. The happy fun time one is near the end of the month, the 22nd to be accurate, that was my Rez day, and thinking back when i first entered SL, so much has changed and I realized that I'll never see SL for the first time ever again. The wonder and amazement, the thrill of something new and exciting, meeting new people, learning to create, most of all meeting one of my closest friends ever not more than three weeks into my explorations into SL (yeah I'm looking at you Raze ;p). She has known me the longest of anyone I've ever known in SL, she has been there with me through my ups and downs, put up with a lot of my whining, complaining, and just general being a pain in the ass (sometimes probably literally lol). So I want to say a very special thank you to you in particular hun, after all this time I honestly cannot imagine SL without ever having known you and I'll always be eternally grateful.

The other two anniversaries aren't quite as happy an joyful, the first one I want to mention, while it's sad, wasn't at all unexpected in a way. Back in 2008, the very end of the year, (December 31st to be particular) my grandmother passed away, the last living grandparent I had. It was the day before my birthday that it happened and it really hurt, but also, like I said, it wasn't unexpected. Grandma had been getting on in years, and the human species only lives for so long, and she had a long life with wonderful kids and even more wonderful grand kids, so while it was sad it was also a relief that she didn't have to go through anymore hospital visits and was able to somewhat slip away in the night so to speak.

There is one more reason why my grandmother's death was harder to take at the time, which leads to the third anniversary to bring up (if your easily upset, now is a good time to get a tissue). A few weeks prior to my grandma's passing, on December 9th, the woman that I had pledged my undying love to, had planned on spending the rest of my life with, had passed away from cancer. Those that know me well know that I've held on to it for good and bad for the past two years. It's lead me into the deepest pits of depression at times, causing me to loose focus in my school work, to abandon good and long time friends, even now those friendships hang by fragile threads. Tomorrow is the second year of her passing and only now have I finally been able to move on to a certain point, I still have good and wonderful friends to help me, a new love entering my life helping me to move on and be able to open up my heart again, which I honestly thought was going to be sealed away for good. I have wonderful pets that serve me faithfully and give me their love and support on a daily bases (yes I'm a Mistress, don't like it, get over it then).

Even now as I sit here typing I can feel tears of both sorrow and happiness, I lost someone very precious to me, and I will always hold her in my heart, but I also have someone to help me through my clouded thoughts at times serving as a rock to anchor myself to. Cathy I know I do not say it nearly often enough, but you mean the world to me, you have always known what to say to put a smile on my face, and I'll always cherish the second our paths crossed.

Thank you all for your continued support and care, your the best I could ask for, and far more than I deserve.

Love,
Thina Mistwood

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